Relationships: Where Men Went Wrong
We had a Men's Fellowship tonight and the topic was relationships. When I got home I wrote this:
Relationships
Men struggle with relationships. Children don’t have near as much trouble with them as grown men do. What is it that we’re learning that is producing socially maladjusted humans, incapable of having a heart to heart relationship that is meaningful, nurturing, lasting and fruitful?
Boys Don’t Cry
I remember coming to school in 4th grade having forgotten to bring some sort of potted plant for a group activity. I remember crying and my teacher rebuking me for crying. Subconscious take note: crying is bad! It’s looked down upon by those around you! You won’t be accepted if you cry! Fear speaks next: “Yeah that’s right! You know you don’t want to be lonely. Do the things that will make you socially acceptable and desirable.” Crying I’m done with you. You haven’t served me well.
Hide Your Heart
At some point along the way we take our heart and hide it behind some pretty serious and strong defenses. It becomes so difficult to be who we are that we begin to doubt that who we are is really worth being.
When there is lack of a polarizing force in our lives, one who is desirable to imitate, trustworthy and virtuous; we look for something to connect with. Anything interesting will substitute, we can make it work as long as it will hold our interest and give us purpose. We don’t know who we are so we’re looking for definition candidates.
If we’re fortunate enough to find out our personal giftedness (some never do) we can put all of our eggs in that basket. We can draw our personal definition from that.
A godly, loving trustworthy father should be that polarizing force in our lives; the one who tells us or defines for us right and wrong; the one who speaks into our lives and tells us who we are; the one who has the insight to look at us and see the gem or gems inside us; the one who takes (or makes) the time to speak to us and grant us purpose. That is what a father should do. That is a major role for him; at least in a child’s life.
Men’s hearts are hidden because the man not only wants it hidden but because it loses so much value in his sight that he may not even know where he hid it.
The Answer
Although I had a father who did the positive things I mentioned above there are many to whom this being described above doesn’t exist. It’s just a dream or a worthless fairy tale. Surely someone like that couldn’t exist in this life! Au contraire! I knew him. He was my father. He did speak into my life and at just the right time when he was helpless to continue and fulfill this role in my life I switched fathers. I came upon a new relationship that filled every gap. That gave me purpose.
I met Him through His Son, Jesus. I love the Lord. He’s everything to me. My heart is free to come out and play. I’m free to be who I am. I am not alone. My father loves me and approves me. He likes me.
I’m satisfied with who I am. I got this from my Father(s).
Love ya
Joe